the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
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she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
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watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think im going to throw up on grandma