is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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