are you still at the devil's house?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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