it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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