you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
