Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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