Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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