Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
