um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
