I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
