she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
