She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
