About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
