Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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