Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
