I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
