I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
