If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
