i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have demons in me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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