For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
