Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
