Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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