now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
