sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My ATM looks so different sober.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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