Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
