I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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