she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
