Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
