hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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