Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
