Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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