She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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