when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
