I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
