Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
