dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
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let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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