I'm gonna have a badass scar
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
