Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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