Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
