She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
