reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
