I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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