She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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