I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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