I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
