Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
