and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she looked like the before picture.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The struggles of a small town man whore
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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