Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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