In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
