I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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