I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
