im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
