Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
