The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
