sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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