i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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