Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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