we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
