Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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