That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
