I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
