I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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