Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
