1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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