How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
