While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
