Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
