before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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