So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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