I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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