I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
