Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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