i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sarcasm needs its own font
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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