I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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