When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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