Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i think my cat just said my name.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
